December 27th later in the day daddy was taken off of life support. The breathing tube came out and he was trying to talk. From what I could understand he was asking where was he and what happened, but before we knew it those comfort care drugs kicked in and the last sounds I heard from my dad were incoherent and he seemed scared. We are going through a ton of emotions because none of us knew how long it would take for him to pass. One minute we are crying profusely, the next trying to make a joke seeing if we could get a smirk out of him. There was nothing but deep sadness and fear in that room. What would we do without daddy? What would mom be like without a spouse?
12:00am on December 28th 2019, was daddy's birthday, a day he always hated but made sure he would let his two girls make a big fuss over him. My mom, sister, husband, and I sang him happy birthday one last time. I felt like it was the least we could all do. We were swapping turns napping, but I never stopped holding daddy's hand. I stayed in the same position until the end. Somewhere around 4:15am, my husband wakes me up from sleeping on my dad's arm and tells me, it looks like this is the time. We are all standing around him saying how much we love him and his pulse went to 0 and then bounced back to 100. To me, I know there is a medical reason for it and it is stress related to passing, but I felt like he didn't want to leave us. Then at 4:40am his pulse starts dropping again and we are all saying I love you holding his hands and giving him kisses. At 4:45am daddy passed away and the spark in our lives was officially gone. The last things he heard was I love you daddy and B loves Fa.
We all cried waterfalls and were in disbelief. I never watched someone die, let alone someone I was so close to. Daddy was like a best friend and a big piece of me. When he died, I truly feel a big piece of me died that day too.
So now the nurses and doctors are checking that he indeed passed and is cleaning his body. Afterwards we are allowed in to say our final good-byes. I was last because this was my daddy and I couldn't face this horrible nightmare. I said, "I am going to miss my spinning tea cup buddy and my Tomorrowland Speedway/Autopia buddy, but most of all I am going to miss you daddy. I love you so much and unconditionally." Then I kissed his forehead which already started to turn cold and we left the hospital with his belongings and instructions for how daddy would get released from the morgue to the crematorium. It was the most surreal and upsetting experience I have ever gone through.
Mom, my sister, husband, and I went out for breakfast but all I could do was cry and barely eat. I must have cried that entire day. When my husband and I returned to our house I had to tell my Lucy baby (our Doberman) that Uncle H passed away and wouldn't be visiting her or giving her peanut butter anymore, but he loves her and we promised that every peanut butter Kong will be in his honor. Then I look at our Christmas tree. My fear of daddy never opening his Birthday or Christmas presents came true and the sobbing continued. My husband and I laid in bed with Lucy for comfort, but nothing can heal a piece of you that is lost.
Nothing can replace a daddy or the love we all had for him.
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